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Tough Shed
Ringing Hello? Yeah, this is Monroe at Tuff Shed... and, uhh... We're gonna be out there at seven-thirty A.M. to take dimensions and everything. Uhhh. You gotta have the wrong number. No. I don't. ''Burps'' And you're with Tuff Shed? Yeah. Yeah, but I'm- laughs Monroe, I'm tellin' ya. This is really weird. Because, uh, why would I want a Tuff Shed when- when that's what we do. We build sheds. We're Sheds by WW Jones. Our home-- You wanna se how I do it. Is that it? No! I have no-- Well get in line. I mean... Somebody somewhere has done something, because I've never even talked bad about Tuff Shed. Nothing. Ever. Laughing I don't-- I don't want a shed! If I wanted a shed, I've got a whole yard full of shed. I don't want a shed. You want us to demolish the ones you've got? Laughing No. Are you serious? I have not called you, Monroe. I promise you. I have not ordered anything from you. I've-- I mean, I've been havin' weird calls at my work too. What do you gotta say about Tuff Shed? I don't have anything bad to say about Tuff Shed. I have never said anything bad about Tuff Shed. You wanna see how I do it. Just admit it. I don't wanna see how you do it. We've been doing it longer than you. Listen. I'm gonna come out there. I'm gonna spec ya out. I'm gonna take all your measurements. Up down and all around. And then we're gonna get everything erected. How's that sound? Laughing I did not order it. I didn't do it. I don't do this kind of stuff. And if wanna come down here, you're not gonna erect a shed on my property. I'm telling you that right now. I'll be there... bright and early. You be here at my house at seven-thirty, my tired ass is still gonna be in bed - Lady, this is Monroe-''' - and If I were you, I would not start erecting any kinda shed. '''Oh, no? What address are you gonna do this? Well, the specified place. If you come here and build a shed- You're not allowed on my property. Do not come on my property. 'Cause you don't even know where the hell I live with this "specified place" that you have. Whatever! Just don't come to my house and erect "a shed", as you say, because I'm not gonna pay you for it. Oh! Apparently, you don't even know where I live because this 'specified location' that you have-- Just don't wake me up, 'cause I will not be awake at seven-thirty in the morning. ------------------------- Who is this? Monroe. Laughing I've heard that "Monroe" crap. Monroe, I've never even talked to you. I've never said anything bad about Tuff Shed. But if you come to my house and erect a shed at seven-thirty in the morning, I feel sorry for you. O'h, really?' Yeah. Let me talk to your husband. on the phone is now the husband Hello? Hi. This is Monroe at Tuff Shed. Hey Monroe. How you doin'?... I say how are you doin'? It's just a courtesy call that we'll be out there at seven-thirty bright and early tomorrow to get your specs for your, uh, Tuff Shed. I think you've got a mistake there. We're gonna be there at seven-thirty A.M. tomorrow to take your measurements. Get you spec-ed out--''' You're gonna be here at seven-thirty in the mornin' and you gon' be in jail at eight o'clock. '''Why's that? I haven't signed nothin' from Tuff Shed. I am a shed company. We own a shed company. WW Jones Incorporated. Been there for years and years and years. I've been on the job for twelve years. Well you need to go a little while longer! I've been in the same location for thirty-eight years. And I ain't got nothin' against Tuff Shed. Don't get me wrong. But I don't need a shed built here at my place. Well then I need a deposit at the very least. I'm through doin' things on spec for you people. We got ladies callin' me up and tellin' me this and that and-''' My lady didn't call you- Er, you called her. '''What are ya, wacky? No! You the fuckin' one's wacky. Listen, man--''' I'm trying to tell you, sir, I'm a shed manufacturin' company and I get along with Tuff Sheds, so I ain't got nothing bad to say about you whatsoever. None. We're both in the shed business but we ain't order no shed. (Wife can be heard in the background, presumably speaking on the phone with shed clients and/or Tuff Shed representatives) We want a shed, we've got sheds. I've got a hundreds of 'em settin'. I've got fuckin' sheds if I wanted one. 'I'm 'onna ''whoop ya! Uh. Come on! You're gonna--''' Where the hell you guys come from? You better come from California if you're gon' try that shit. '''I'm- I work all around the country. (... we'll send someone over.) You ain't never- You ain't seen the hillbilly side, have ya? I'm number one. And ''I got some new designs that are gonna ''drive you wild, friend. Well, that's- Say- I don't know why you feel that way. If we could work on it as a partnership, we'd probably make more money. 'Cause I'm fi-''' Than we would fightin' each other. Why the fuck would you wanna fight me? ''Cause I'll ''whoop you! Laughing Why are you gonna whoop me? We got the toughest sheds in the business. I've got the toughest sheds in the business. That's right. No, I'' ''do. Ah, no- Are they DCA approved? Well, I don't know what that means, but listen--''' Well, you should know 'cause that's the Florida law. 'I got a motorcycle-' DC- '- and a ramp and I jump off and I land on the shed. Boom. It's -' Motorcycle and a ramp don't mean shit to the State of Florida. If you're DCA approved, which is from the Department of Community Affairs of the State of Florida, and I've been it - approved and buildin' DCA shed for the past ten, fifteen years. ''Sniffle'' We are tough, man. And durable.' I don't think the main office at Tuff Sheds would- would appreciate whoever you are. '''Oh, I'm the number one sales leader.' Tell them about how you're gonna come up here and beat my ass up, because they been a lotta guys try that bullshit over the past sixty-eight years. (... well let's find out what location you're supposed to be at...) You better not be bad mouthin' Tuff Shed up 'ere. Who's bad mouthin' Tuff Shed? Ain't nobody- I ain't have to bad mouth you. Nobody has. I ain't got no reason to, man. We own our own damn company. We do our own damn thing. I'm gonna kick your damn shed with my boots. How's that sound? Said kick my shed with your boots. Well, man, you welcome to come an try that any day you want to. You could try it on mine and you're gonna bounce backwards. Real fast. Why the hell you talkin' like this, man? Because we're ''tough!'' No, man! You ain't need to be tough. You don't have to be tough to be a Tuff Shed. You can be normal. I'm a shed for WW Jones Incorporated. And you're with Tuff Sheds. Why in the hell would we wanna fight each other? It's a case of tough shit for you. You're gonna be right here at my address in the mornin', right? Yep. Bright and early. And I need you front and center with your checkbook, okay? Set and fronter sic with a checkbook. Oh, I'll most certainly do that. I'm actually driving right now, so you're actually creating a hazard for me with-''' Well you should just stop and go to bed some place 'cause you gonna have a hell of a fight tomorrow. '''You're not gonna be fightin' for long. Burps I've been fightin' for sixty-eight years, son. Buddy, I got a ramp, I got a motorcycle, I got a helmet... I got a tractor. I've got two tractors! That don't mean shit. We'll talk to Tuff Sheds tomorrow. They just informed me to not to say nothin' else to you, and we're gonna talk to Tuff Sheds first thing in the mornin'. (...and we know he's in California...) I'm gonna strap you on the back of my bike and we're gonna do a demonstration together and we'll see who comes out prevailing. You ain't fuckin' puttin' me on no motorcycle. I wouldn't ride one of them sons of bitches if I had one for free! I'm gonna strap ya on. I'm not ridin' on no damn motorcycle with ya, son. Laughs No. No? This is Monroe and I'm through doing things on sp-''' {?} Monroe, you hung up on my wife the last time, she said. 'She hung up on ''my ass! She hung up on your ass? (... I'm telling you, he's gonna be sorry...) Look. I'm through working on spec for you people. Monroe, I ain't order nothin' from you. I ain't order nothin' from Tuff Sheds. I ain't order nothin' from Home Depot. I ain't order nothin' from no-damn-body. You're bananas, man. Goddamn right I'm bananas! You wastin' your time. You called the wrong person. What are you talkin' smack about Tuff Shed for? I ain't talkin' smack about Tuff Sheds! Why the hell- I have anything against you, sir? I don't even know you! You're slanderin' me. I ain't slanderin' no one. Don't have to slander anyone. Gonna kick your butt. You best off just come your ass on over tomorrow like you planned and- and get it kicked and then you can go home and tell your folks about it. I'm fixin' to whoop your ass. Look, motherfucker. Come on. Category:Special delivery